Three of my five children were born with great mental illness. But it became just horrible, when my oldest child was 14; she became extremely ill, which prevented her from living a normal life, since she was psychotic and always on the verge of dying/killing herself or others. My oldest son, became extremely ill, like a wild animal, when he was 11 and had to be sent away since his outburst were so violent and terrorizing. My youngest son never developed full psychosis like his siblings due to his age, but he was far from normal and would cry out “Mommy, I don’t want to be like this.”
I had two normal children, but sadly every other child was born with this curse. After taking my children to every doctor known to man from neurologists to psychiatrists all over the country, after failure after failure with drugs and the psychiatric system, I began to loose all hope in my beautiful children either being alive or being out of a mental hospital for the rest of their lives.
To lose three of my five children to this horrid illness was so agonizing and to have no hope for their help led me to great despair, one that was indescribable.
Then seeing I had no hope from man, I finally turned to God. I prayed but I received no response. Then after reading this verse, “Rather, it is your crimes that separate you from your God, It is your sins that make him hide his face so that he does not hear you.” I realized I had to change my entire life, since I wasn’t living according to God’s law–not all of God’s law, for God to be able to hear my prayer and send His grace to help my children.
Then from having a life with no prayer, I began to pray and pray like no mother could ever pray. I began to change my life to, confessing and stopping my sins, sacrificing worldly pleasure and offer up my pain. I didn’t even know why I was doing such a thing, but I knew it was good and what God wanted, so I did it. And as God promises in His Word, I began to grow close…real close to God. My children weren’t cured, but, I knew it was all part of God’s great plan.
I changed much of my life, but yet, my children still weren’t cured. Then one day, I cried out to God, “Lord, I have changed my entire life, what more do you want me to do?” However, I still didn’t know what God wanted. So I went looking for help (I never stopped), someone told me to pray at 3:00pm the hour Christ died, since He sends great mercy at that hour. And I did. I made my entire family pray, and I prayed with all of my heart the Divine Mercy Chaplet, knowing and fully believing God would send great mercy; then God finally heard my plea.
Not right away, but a few days later when I was in great despair, since I couldn’t keep up the care my daughter required and the hospitals were killing her–she even had a heart attack–from some of the drugs they tried to help her with. Yet, as I was crying sitting on my daughter (to keep her from harming herself) waiting for her schizophrenic spell to end–of seeing demons flying around her room as she was screaming, biting and spitting one me, thinking I was evil, I finally surrendered my will of wanting my kids normal. I said to God with all of my heart, truly meaning every word, “Lord, if you want my children sick, that is fine, whatever you will.” Yes, from God’s grace, I really meant it.
At that moment, I was filled with such great love from God, words can’t describe. I finally let go of my will and embraced God’s will as truly good. I stopped crying and fell into great peace. My daughter was still out of control, and I was smiling out of joy for God’s plan…truly believing it was most wonderfully good. I finally learned what God wanted from me…TRUST.
From that day on, I never cried again and was literally in perfect peace, even when she became worse (if that was possible), truly no horrific event and I had so many of them, stirred my perfect peaceful trust in God. His MERCY is real!
After that, I went from doctor to doctor, as God willed looking to learn and only do what He wanted.
Even though I changed my entire life of sin (or what I understood at the time–as I wasn’t a perfect saint and still had much more sin to remove so to perfectly love God), I finally realized the greater part of my faith, which I was lacking was–TRUST. My lack of real faith was what was keeping me from the life of peace God had waiting for me.
Now I REALLY trust in God, and all He allows–from slight inconveniences to great tragedies–as wonderfully good. I never complain or worry any more…well as long as I don’t fall into temptation of loving my will over God’s, I remain in that great peace…wonderful peace no matter what happens. Praise Jesus!
After a couple of years of carrying that cross for souls, God healed my children. They had a gene mutation that prevented them from absorbing nutrients correctly from food and from constantly being starved, it made them act crazy. Daily, I had to give them high doses of certain vitamins and they became perfectly normal. No, drugs…just vitamins. Amazing!
But it even gets better; after that, a year or so later of constantly having to administer vitamins (as missing a day–since their bodies dumped so much of the vitamins/didn’t absorb them normally), they would show signs of not being normal, then God took away all of their need for vitamins all-together. Now, no gene mutation exists within any of them. They don’t need vitamins or anything. Wow!
My daughter is now a wife and mother and even after having a baby she suffered no nutrition defect or mental illness.
Sadly, the hospitals don’t check for micro nutrient deficiencies or gene mutations with mental illness, so we went un-diagnosed for years…but as you can see all is good and part of God’s perfect plan for the conversion of my life and of my children’s.
If my children were never given that horrid illness, I would probably still be living a life of great sin, without ever knowing God, His great love nor trusting in Him; and what a sad life that was…and what eternal doom awaited me. It was through that horrible illness–the cross–that I learned God’s blessed ways. Praise God for suffering!
One day, I hope to enjoy eternal glory with Him in Heaven for I have learned The Way, how to trust and please the Lord through the agonizing cross and I’m still striving to amend my ways (towards perfection) so to truly love God and obtain a saving faith by follow Him to Eternal Life. I pray everyone can rejoice in their crosses too.