I had what I thought was a perfect family. Of course, we weren’t perfect, but you know what I mean. We had a great life. I had five wonderful children, who were my everything. We lacked nothing. I could not ask for anything more. Everything was going so well until one day, three of my five children (every other child) began to become horribly ill, and our nightmare began.
It all started when my oldest was 14. She became extremely ill, which prevented her from living a normal life. She suffered from psychotic episodes and other issues and constantly lived on the verge of dying/killing herself or others. I had to transform my house into a mental hospital and remove any item that could be used to cause harm, and still my best efforts did not always work.
Shortly after, my oldest son, became extremely ill too, like a wild animal, when he was just 11. I would take him to Church with our family on Sunday and had to sit on the floor in the back corner with him and hold him, so I could restrain him, since he was literally just like a wild animal. Sadly, as his behavior worsen, he had to be sent away (as I looked for a cure), since his outburst were so violent and terrorizing. It was not possible to care for both of them together.
My youngest son never developed full psychosis like his siblings, but he was far from normal and did crazy things and would cry out “Mommy, I don’t want to be like this.” It was enough to rip one’s heart out. None of my children wanted to be like that, but we did not know what to do to stop it.
What happened to my wonderful children? Nobody could figure it out. We checked the air, the water… all sorts of poisons. Some people even thought I made them sick. We spent endless money, took out a loan, turned our house upside down looking for the reason as we sought help.
Yet, I had two normal children that seemed to not be affected at all. Every other child (as I came to learn) was born with this curse (illness). It just happened to be part of God’s plan why they all became severely ill around the same time.
Nonetheless, after taking my children to countless doctors from neurologists to psychiatrists local and abroad, after failure after failure to help them with drugs and the psychiatric system, I began to lose all hope for my beautiful children to live or they would be locked in a mental hospital for the rest of their lives.
To lose three of my five children to this horrid illness was so agonizing and to have no hope for their help/cure led me to great despair, one that was utterly indescribable. It was a pain that I cannot believe I survived.
I lost hope in modern medicine… frankly, they made matters worse… the side effects were horrible (I know everyone tried, but the doctors were clueless as to what was making them sick).
Then, after seeing that there was no hope from man, after about two years of trying literally everything, I finally turned to God. I was not religious before this illness. Sure, I went to Church and even had my children in Christian school, but I was far from striving to truly follow Christ. We lived life like everyone else. I was as lukewarm as one could be.
But from desperation, I began to pray and pray… begging God with all my heart to heal my children. But He did not seem to respond at all. Regardless, I was not about the give up on my children and place them in a mental institution for the rest of their life, as was the talk if they could not be cured, since they could not walk the streets with this illness (of one moment sorta normal and the next psychotic).
Praise God, I did not have a quitter mentality, so with a firm belief that God could heal my children, since I saw Him perform great miracles for others (even completely remove someone’s brain tumor), I knew He could heal them. I had at least that much faith. So, I began to go to healing Masses and seeking anyone I could to pray for help. I wrote every healing priest and person I could find on the internet that could pray for help or provide assistance, and I traveled great distances for healing. But still, no matter who prayed or how many Masses I attended, I received no help from God.
Yet, even though things looked grim, I was still not going to let my children die without me dying of exhaustion myself seeking everything possible to help them.
Then one day, I decided to read the Bible looking for help. I opened it and read this verse, “It is your crimes that separate you from your God, It is your sins that make him hide his face so that he does not hear you.” Wow! From that moment on, I realized that it was MY SINS that kept my children sick. Yes, my miserable sins… created a barrier between God and my pleas for help. Sure, I know God has helped me in my past when my sins were even worse. But I knew this time God was not going to help me until I changed.
From that moment on, I was determined with the determination above and beyond any athlete striving for the gold that I was going to change my entire life to save my children’s lives.
Then from having a life with no real prayer, I began to pray and pray like no mother could ever pray. I became enlightened to how horrible of a person I really was. I used to think I was a “good” person because of the “good” I did for others. At the time, I did not commit any “grave” sins that I was willing to see and even did charity work, but in reality, I was nothing but a misery of sin.
Then, with a new more humble light about myself, I began to change my life to, confessing and stopping my sins (even the slightest thing God, in His Word, said not to do), sacrificing worldly pleasure and offering up my pain. I didn’t even know why I was doing such things, but I knew it was good and what God wanted (because I knew saints did those things), so I did it. And as God promised in His Word, I began to grow close… real close to God.
Even though, I changed my life and grew closer to God, my children were still not cured. Then one day, I cried out to God, “Lord, I have changed my entire life, what more do you want me to do?” However, I still didn’t know what God wanted. I might have read His Word, trying to live all of it, but I still did not understand what I was lacking. I was still blind.
So, I continued looking for help (I never stopped). Someone told me to pray at 3:00pm the hour Christ died, since He said He would send great mercy and answer anyone’s prayer at that hour. And I did. I made my entire family pray, and I prayed with all my heart the Divine Mercy Chaplet, knowing and fully believing God would send great mercy and answer my prayer.
Then God finally heard my plea. Not right away, but a few days later when I was in great despair, since I felt I couldn’t keep up the care my daughter required, and the hospitals were killing her–she even had a heart attack when she was 16–from some of the drugs they tried to help her with. Yet, as I was crying sitting on my daughter (to keep her from harming herself) waiting for her schizophrenic spell to end–of seeing demons flying around her room as she was screaming, biting and spitting on me, thinking I was evil, I finally surrendered my will of wanting my kids normal. I said to God with all my heart, truly meaning every word, “Lord, if you want my children sick, that is fine. Whatever you will.” Yes, I was okay with my children being sick. I finally only wanted what God wanted.
From working hard to leave my sins, which opened up my heart to be able to accept God’s grace (since sin rejects grace), I was able to accept great grace that God had sent from praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet. This grace increased my faith to where I would no longer seek Him insisting on my will—my children well—but seek Him for help to accomplish His will. I finally had a real trusting faith in Jesus and believed He knew better (I stopped making myself God). I was content if He wanted them sick or to die. I fully believed whatever He allowed was meant for the greater good.
At that moment, I was filled with such great love from God, words can’t describe. He gave me such unfathomable grace. I stopped crying and fell into great peace. My daughter was still out of control, and I was smiling out of joy for God’s plan…truly believing it was most wonderfully good. I finally learned what God wanted from me…TRUST.
From that day on, I never cried again (from self-pity) and was literally in perfect peace, even when she became worse (if that was possible), truly no horrific event and I had so many of them, stirred my perfect peaceful trust in God. His MERCY is real!
Trusting in God did not mean from now on I did nothing and just trusted. No; I still tried my best to help my children become well, but I did not demand a cure… I simply did my best and allowed whatever God willed to happen, knowing it was for the ultimate good (His plan… for the salvation of our souls). Then I sought Him to teach me from every moment. After learning, I moved to the next greatest good (that I could see, from seeking God to guide me).
Even though I changed my entire life of sin (or what I understood at the time was sin–as I wasn’t a perfect saint and still had much more sin to remove so to perfectly love God), I finally realized the greater part of my faith, which I was lacking was–TRUST. My lack of real faith was what was keeping me from the life of peace God had waiting for me.
Now, through that cross, I REALLY trust in God, and all He allows–from slight inconveniences to great tragedies–as wonderfully good. Sure, I still cry because of my offences against God (as we should) and when I see others fall away from Him or when I see people in such suffering in great need. But I never complain or worry any more…well as long as I don’t fall into temptation of loving my will over God’s, I remain in that great peace…wonderful peace no matter what happens. Praise Jesus!
With this new found faith and after much research, still trying different means of mental healing. To my utter shock, I saw improvement in my daughter’s condition when she was still 16 with nutritional supplements that a Dr. in Harvard was using to help heal mentally ill patients. I was amazed. I sent these vitamins to my son, and they helped him too. I also gave them to my youngest and saw improvement in him as well. Yet, they were still not “well”… just improved… so I knew nutrition had something to do with it, but I did not figure it out yet.
Then, from being called by God, I went overseas to a place known for healing. I was thinking perhaps this was the place my daughter was going to be healed. I prayed and prayed and my daughter did too. We both grew close to God, and our relationship began to grow into the wonderful relationship we used to have before this horrible illness began.
She has always been prone to negative thinking (easily hurt by other kids with some self-esteem issues), so with this natural inclination and being mentally ill, she lost the ability to even see me as good, as the one trying to save her. She became deceived from people in school, who wanted to help but did not really know what was going on, (so they were deceived) telling her that I was making her sick. But since that trip, she obtained much grace and God had removed her false and negative thinking and gave her a wonderful outlook on life. We became close again.
Then, I heard God tell me, “If she continues to pray, she will be well.” And while we were there and she was praying, she seemed great. We experienced several miracles there. It was an amazing trip. But she still had some problems. It was not the healing she really needed to be normal. Her prayers were not able to accept all the healing God was giving her. But we grew real close to God and His mother, and our relationship was great. She was so much happier and had real hope, which was worth so much.
From accepting God’s grace, I began to gain wisdom and even my daughter could comprehend great matters of the faith that my other “well” children could not. She wanted holiness. Even with her illness, from accepting God’s grace, we both started to have a faith above the lukewarm faith we used to have. We were excited. Upon returning home, I continued to pray a lot and kept on growing, but sadly, she not so much… and her faith (grace) became less.
Then her condition began to worsen again. I asked God to heal her despite her lack of faith (not according to my will, but His). Then, Our Lord sent me to the University of Kansas Medical Hospital Integrated Medicine Department and had a micro-nutrient and gene mutation test performed on my three children. I then found that my children had a gene mutation. They did not respond well to it even though it is quite common. But for them, along with their other genetic makeup caused them to not properly absorb nutrition. We had back-to-back testing to show how their bodies dumped an uncanny amount of vitamins daily…. leaving them constantly starved. Each child was slightly different, but all with the same problem.
Imagine how grumpy many of us act when we are hungry. Well, all three of my children, no matter how much they ate, were always starving, which is what caused their minds to go crazy.
From there, the doctor created specific dietary requirements for each child and over just a few months, unbelievably they became normal… the psychotic episodes for all three of them were gone… even for my daughter, every problem she had (as she acquired other issues too) left. Daily, all I had to give them were high doses of certain vitamins, and they became perfectly normal. No, drugs… just vitamins. Amazing!
I will never forget the doctor saying, “How are you handling this so well? Most parents when they have just one child become mentally ill, become unable to handle it and need medication for themselves.” And I replied, “Through all of this, I learned how to trust in Jesus and found true peace.” With the cross everyone has the choice of accepting God’s grace and allowing Him to change us into a greater image of Him or rejecting God’s grace and allowing it to crush and damage us.
But I have to say, this cure happened so quickly. My daughter was doing so well at the end of her senior year of high school–what I described as perfect (happy, confident, with no sight of mental problems at all). From the vitamins and prayer, she was doing so well and seemed so mature that even after having to live her entire high school life psychotic, she was well enough to go off to college.
I want to mention, even mentally ill she could still attend school, since she loved learning and (for the most part) behaved well enough in school. I wanted her to live as normal of a life as possible giving her goals and hope. I tried to be right there, especially on days she was having a hard time (even though sometimes it was hard to tell). Sometimes, I sat right outside of her classroom, or I had her sleep right in the room with me (removed the clothes from the closet and made a mini room), or I would sleep right outside of her bedroom door on the floor, because the nights were worse than the day. But, regardless of her trials, during days when she felt hopeless, I clearly saw God work through me to give her hope and strength… so she continued, which brought her some happiness. And now the hope had become a reality. She was so well, she did not even want to go to a local college; she went off to a college a few hours away, seeking to gain an education to help those with the same problem she had. She now had a purpose for her life.
Sure, I was concerned if this was good (God’s will). She had been so dependent on me; she just stopped being removed of all mental illness… what if it came back… what if she stopped taking her vitamins, and I didn’t notice she was off. She had such a short time trying to live the faith, and it was still weak… what if she fell into temptation (lost grace) and fell from God? Would she be able to do it all without my support? But I prayed and fully believed that is what God willed, so she went… and even to a Catholic College, since from this cross, she grew in God’s grace and instead of wanting to live for herself, she wanted to live to know, love and serve Him. She was a hard worker and as long as she continued to seek Him and for the right reasons, she worked hard for Him, did well in school and made good choices. Prayer and seeking what God wanted her to do, as she sought to do good (to love God), was essential like it is for all of us to make right choices.
Then at some point after my daughter left for college everyone stopped needing vitamins. Yes, you read correctly… my children needed vitamins no more in order for them to be normal. God healed them of their entire illness. What love He has shone to them!
Normally, if I forgot to give them even one dose of vitamins, I could notice they were off. But one day, I missed a dose and I saw no side effects. Then I missed two, and they acted fine. But scared to take them off—for I did not want to be dreaming of a cure, but to have the real thing–I went to get them a blood test and their nutrient levels were normal. Amazing!
God took away all their need for vitamins all-together. They don’t need vitamins or anything to live a normal life. Wow!
My daughter is now a wife and mother with a newborn baby, and even after having a child growing within her, she has not suffered from any nutritional deficits or psychosis. Even after years and subsequent blood tests (just to check), my other children, even when they choose to eat poorly, are normal too.
Sadly, my one poor son does suffer from anxiety and other issues from not having much grace to handle well all the trauma he went through because of this… (having to be sent away was hard on him since he had such little grace) and from him not wanting Jesus to heal him of these issues, they remain. But regardless, God is great. Hopefully, my son will allow Jesus to heal him soon. But even if God chose to keep them psychotic, that would be great too. His will is what is great! I know it is leading us to salvation, for those who can grow through the cross to truly believe.
Sadly, hospitals don’t check for micro nutrient deficiencies or gene mutations with mental illness, so we went un-diagnosed for years…but as you can see all is good and part of God’s perfect plan for the conversion of my life and of my children’s.
If my children were never given that horrid illness, I would probably still be living a life of great sin, without ever knowing God, His great love nor trusting in Him; and what a sad life it was… oh, I thought it was a great life, since I was finding my happiness with the endless worldly pleasures we have to pull our hearts from God, for I was clueless to what a fantastically greater life there was with God and what eternal doom awaited me if I continued to live my life of idolatry (desiring endless other things for happiness instead of God alone… the true source of happiness). It was through that horrible illness–the cross–that I learned God’s blessed ways, and now I’m seeking God to remove the rest of my blindness and desire for sin, as I strive to grow into a saving and then perfect faith in Christ. Praise God for suffering!
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